Give it a name

Gosh, so many terms, so many theories and no one really seems to know what is what. You wanted to know what is what? Here is your own documentary!

First things first though. Everything written down is from what I read in the past and personal experience. I did not keep wikipedia right next of it and even although most terms speak for themselves, a lot are opinion based also.

Lets start with the most common one. No, you probably never heard of it. But where everyone might has their own name for people like me; weird, unique, trans, travo, cross-dresser, gay. We also got a name for you. You... probably cis gendered person.

Cis is just another way of naming the usual/normal way. Born in a certain gender and identity and comfortable with it. Just when you talk about transgenders and 'normal/usual' people, it can be considered as pretty rude. So we use the term, Cis.

Someone who is Cis can be gay, lesbian, bi, or pansexual.

Gay, you feel attracted to a male identity and most likely male sex.

Lesbian, attracted to a female identity and most likely female sex.

Bisexual means you feel attracted to both men and women while as Pansexual means the same but then it really doesn't matter if someone has a male or female sex, identity, unisex, queer, or whatever other names are out there. Pansexual means you feel attracted really purely for who someone is as a person.

But wait! You also got straight! And that rhymed, cheesy. Anyhow, straight can also still be confusing. If you consider yourself to be a little bit more open minded and agree that your gender is not between the legs but in the brains, are you considered gay when with a pre-op (before sexual reassignment surgery) male to female transgender? You can fill in for yourself when someone is considered straight.

Personally I see straight as when you have a clear preference to the opposite gender and do not bend far from that. No matter what you look like, how you act, if you wear certain clothes or if you like to experiment in bed.

These are all sexualities and transgender is often mistaken with a sexuality. Well, it is not. A transgender can have any of the above sexualities and is the same as a Cis-gendered person. The only difference is that a transgender does not feel comfortable with their born sex and the identity they have to live with.

Although, transgender still can be split up in many different branches. Now, don't get me wrong. In most cases a transgender is not happy at all to be called a drag-queen, travestite, or anything non gender specified. But in many cases someone decides not to transition, but to live their life the way their were born, and only let out their feelings every once in a while.

For the one it is a let-out, the other it is an enjoyable, creative act. A travestite is basically a dressed up man looking like a woman. Drag-queens take it a step further and often wear heavy make-up. Drag-queens are in most cases men dressing up as women. You also have Drag-kings. The other way around. This although is far less common.

The more innocent shape and form of the above two goes by the term cross-dresser. Of course it can't just be simple because even this is opinion related. When you wear clothes of your opposite identity, then you cross-dress. Then again, an, as an example, female to male transgender who still presents as female, is basically cross-dressing. But to keep it simple, a man wearing female clothes and the other way around, is a cross-dresser.

If you take that a bit further to the perverted side, you get sissies. Each their own really but lets not talk too long about it because it is so not my thing..at all. Men who read this and in their spare time enjoy wearing as slutty clothes as possible with high heels for sexual arousal, are sissies. But yea, each their own!

Because in general the sex industry is focussed on men it is easier to find something related to their needs. It is said many men do watch gay porn and there are ones who cannot fully open to that desire and seek it elsewhere. Searching for she-males. She-male is basically a direct insult and the porn version of a transgender.

Each their own, but if you want to come across with a she-male it is best to go to Thailand. Tell a transgender it is a plus and you most likely insult them.

All those genders.. sexualities, it is complicated. Even while writing this I am confusing myself. Like.. straight. I know I am straight, and since my identity is female, that means I feel attracted to men. Then again, at the moment I am still a biological man. But, then again! If I were a biological male wouldn't my brain also function like one? Wait.. what.. stop. Not even going there. Confusing.

Just be open minded and straight-flexible, or pansexual. There! Problem solved.

Anyway! There are also people who do not fit a label. Unisex or androgynous. The latter is mostly used because unisex is also used for objects. Nowadays androgynous is very well known in the world of photography and fashion.

Now someone can live androgynous and have no gender identity, wearing either kind of clothes and in many cases you can't tall if you got a man or woman in front of you. Many young children are in fact androgynous. Let a young boy grow his hair long and especially with his young voice he will be often seen as a girl and the opposite a girl can have short hair for the same results.

Usually the way of addressing isn't such a big deal. Or it is but at this point of life not big enough to mention. As for me I noticed that even though I hadn't told it yet, I disliked being called a dude, man or even when someone spoke about me as a he. But even now in front of people I know I feel uneasy referring myself with she. Instead of either genders I learned you can also talk without ever mentioning a gender. Just don't add the gender at the end of your sentences and instead of saying he or she, say their or simply the persons name.

Some people would love you for that actually. Gender-queers are often androgynous but one day they feel more feminine, the other more masculine. One day they are a he the other time a she but the queers I spoke with before often are not a fan of any and prefer 'their'.

Oh, and some might confuse unisex and transgenders with hermaphrodites. A hermaphrodite was born with both a male and female sex and thus is a whole different story. Cis but not exactly Cis. Not transgender either and well.. I don't know. You just learned a lot new terms so you can fill it in for yourself.

Again, the above is what I read before and my opinions. Not everyone sees it this way which I understand. Does it really matter anyway? Just ask someone in a respectful way what they prefer if you do not know already and in the end we are all weird in our own ways. No matter what label someone else gave you.

Yo, dude!

With a blog named; different perspectives, it is funny that also my own perspective has changed.

I read trough my own blog and beside correcting some very choppy English (it still ain't perfect), I noticed I used to not mind so much to be addressed as a guy. I am swapping genders and was not born as a girl. But did want to become one.

Just.. the more I think about who I really am and always have been the more I realize there is more to it than just that.

It finally sinked in that everyone in my private life accepts me for who I am  and I couldn't thank everyone enough. No one said a negative thing or at least I have never heard one.

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Even although I am already changing for two years now and try to keep my chin up wherever I go and whoever I talk with, I still feel a bit insecure. I am afraid of reactions and try to play it in safe mode. Meaning that I do not wear too feminine clothes, to much make-up and no nail polish. I keep my voice as of how people know me, just slightly lighter and I also address myself as a he.

Many might think, but you still are? Honestly, I thought the same. You change sex after surgery but I came to the conclusion that it lays a little deeper than that.

The brain is who you are, what controls your whole body. Sure people can be mentally disabled but I can function perfectly fine. It is my body that is incorrectly and handicapped. My body doesn't fit my brains and to many, that makes me a guy. Could it be though, that the gender is just in the brains and not between your legs?

That would clash with so many theories and also religions. But trust me that I have browsed the internet long enough on this matter that no matter what someones religion is, christian, muslim, jewish or what else, in the end most take the step to transition and find a way to hold on to their believes to feel loved and accepted while others with the same believe might still be fully against it. There is no right or wrong. Believe what you want, be happy with who you are, and respect others for wanting to do the same.

The other day I read an article about a mom who cut off her sons penis when he was asleep (well, he surely woke up straight after) and although you can't compare that with any surgery. He lost his sex. Even so I doubt he woke up the next morning with the sudden urge to put on make-up, wear a dress and present as a woman. He most likely feels like a handicapped man, just as how the other way around I feel like a handicapped girl.

I always told myself that when I start my hormone therapy, I will make the swap. The thing is, there is no swap. No matter if I use my masculine voice, grow out a beard or if I would stand 7ft tall. I still feel like a woman from the inside. No matter if I have long hair, wear the perfect outfits and would become a female role model. Everyone who has known me presenting myself as a guy, will still also see the old me.

It is noticeable that sometimes people expect certain answers from me. To tell how to deal with it but I really can't tell you. This is as unusual for me as it is for you. The only thing I can do is being open about it and to not force anything upon you. The only thing I would like to ask is to address me and see me as for who I am, not for who I pretended to be for many years. It is the small things that do it. A few days ago someone corrected another calling me by the wrong name. Or when someone kisses you on the cheek as a greeting at a party while you thought that may was inappropriate at first.

Shortly put, it feels hurting to be addressed as the guy I try to leave behind me. I realize this doesn't change over night and don't expect this either. But for the ones waiting for me to 'swap', that will never happen. I can only ask from you to do that swap yourself.

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I decided to share this on Facebook because some seem to worry, or are curious. Which of course is fine. I although do not like to talk about it all that often because I am more than just a transgender. I won't put my name out here or post pictures because the url is also known on several fora, and I rather be anonymous.

Although if you now have been reading this and wonder what my name change has been, it is simply my old name minus the N. Or just use the short version of my name :D!