Fuck you're tall D:

I am 6.1 or 6.2 feet tall. I am terrible at seeing my own height and well, I do not want to think about it too much x_x.

You are so tall! You must be great at basketball! Really, people? I don't see depth and I am so clumsy I trip while standing still. Don't stereotype so much. Neither do I understand how tall became a compliment? You are stating the obvious, something which is not an opinion but a fact is not a compliment. Neither do I tell you, you would do great at rugby with your weight or that you must be a great listener with those big ears. Some things you just keep to yourself even if everyone sees it.

Thing is, I always thought tall women are gorgeous if carried well so I do enjoy being tall. What I don't enjoy is standing out, or photographs with people way shorter than me. Beside the fact I don't like people taking pictures of me in the first place.

Also, the taller you are the more people see you. This can be a bad thing on a bad day but on good days I enjoy it. I do like to be seen, but also to be accepted. Those two sometimes come together as a deal breaker.

Whenever I feel insecure about my height I go to ModelMayhem and search for pictures like the above of women above 6ft. Gorgeously looking and no one would doubt their gender at all, so why should I feel insecure about it? Actually, personally I feel jealous of tall women. They stand out, wear it with proud, look beautiful and because of their height everyone can see all of that. So why not feel proud to be tall as well?

When did I figure it out for myself?

After reading this:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_you_are_a_transsexual#slide=1
I felt for writing about that myself.

If you read that article then the conclusion is that everyone should known from birth that they are transgender. It does not work like that. It depends on your surroundings, the country you live in, your family and the friends you have around you.

When I just started 'exploring', I felt very insecure about others who would might see it, call me names or any other negative self esteem destroying situations. But by changing you also learn to accept yourself the better, gain more confidence and ignore the negativity. This happens no matter if you are transgender or not.

People ask me, do you want to be a girl? Will you go all the way? Want boobs? Who do you want sex with? When with a woman would you be the man? It is quite personal and rude to ask someone these questions. Although I do understand the curiosity, get to know me first for being me and if I feel comfortable with you then chances are I will start talking about it by myself.

When will you go full-time, or come out of the closet? I never seen a straight person do this and don't see why I should. I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone and just want to enjoy being me and explore. I believe by taking it slowly people will be able to fill it in by themselves and get used to it in their own pace.

Who am I and why this blog?

I am a 25 years young transgender and I like to be realistic about it too. I was not born a girl but I do want to become one. At the moment I am not slowly changing myself to the point where I can live my life as who I want to be.

It becomes easier to accept yourself when you look in the mirror, and this makes me happier. But when you go out and tell it to others you can expect rejections, people staring at you, shout at you, laughing at you or even worse.
Having friends and family who accept you is important but you have to gather the confidence to also go out, and face a harsher world.

The internet surely helps to give you pushes in the right directions. You can see the before and afters/life journeys of others and there are plenty who share your thoughts and feelings whom you can talk with.

Being transgender isn't easy, it never is when you stand out. But for every insecurity or harsh moment you can see it as a growing process. A learning moment. It is just a matter of perspective.

At this blog I want to write about my ups and downs, insecurities and feelings. My way isn't the best way but whenever I have a harsher moment I like to have the posibility to read an older post. To see where I came from and how far I have moved ahead, to keep looking forward.

I also been inspired by other transgenders writing blogs or big names like Andrej Pejic. Maybe by writing down my experiences I can someday support someone else with the same struggles, or one day be a bigger support to just make everyone a little bit more open minded and accepting.